Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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