found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
