I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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