I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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