I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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