just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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