i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
