u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
