please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
