I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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