I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
