i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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