think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
