With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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