and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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