I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
