I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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