Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize