I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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