It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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