woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
