i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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