Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just invented taco cereal.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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