she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's never too late to be topless.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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