The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
