she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
