God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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