I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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