its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
