I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
