you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
