Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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