She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
