A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She just used a chaser for red wine.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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