Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
