Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
