You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
