god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay