I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.