i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
