So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
