just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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