My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
