she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
