if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
