Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
