that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
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A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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