TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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