I hate all girls vehemently.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
