Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
