My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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