my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
