Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
