I'm going to rape someone's good day.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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