So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
