Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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