Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Randomize
