Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
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Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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