Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
if only i could text you this smell
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize