Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So. Much. Porn.
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