i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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