there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I seem to have left my pride at pride
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She bit a glass in half.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
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The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?