Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny