Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO