Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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