He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
