I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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