perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
