It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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