you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
