I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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